*Trigger Warning: Brief talk of suicide*
Yesterday, September 10th, was World Suicide Prevention Day. People around the world celebrated in different ways. Some lit a candle and had a moment of reflection on how suicide has impacted their lives or the lives of others. Some posted articles or pictures on social media and made themselves available for support. Some went to a community event of remembrance. Some held or attended workshops about mental health and how to prevent suicide. Some people even reached out to someone they trust and asked for help.
Personally, I shared a few pictures and made sure that the followers of Dialectical Living and Toronto Borderliners Facebook pages knew that they could reach out for support and where to go if they needed emergency support. I also took some time for myself to think about all the amazing experiences I have had since I survived my attempt back in 2005. Four events really stood out to me as moments that I am glad I did not miss.
- Repairing my relationship with my family. When I was deep in depression I shunned my family. They never did anything wrong, I just didn’t want them in my life. As I emerged from adolescence and depression I was able to see the value my family had in my life. I am close with all my family and they are extremely important people in my life.
- Becoming involved in mental health advocacy. Given that my poor mental health was something I was made fun of for as a teen, to become not only involved in mental health advocacy but to be seen by, sometimes, complete strangers as a safe person to talk to is overwhelmingly amazing. Finding this purpose in my life has pushed me through a lot of hard times.
- Learning to see my weaknesses as strengths. I used to tell myself that I “failed” at living and at dying. It was such a horrible feeling. Now, I marvel at how despite the pain I sometimes still experience, the fact that I keep going is one of my biggest strengths. Experiencing pain is life, it is not failing at life. Overcoming the pain takes a lot of physical and emotional effort and I am grateful that with DBT, family, friends and my own personal willpower that I can be strong.
- Starting a family. I have an amazing partner and we are due to have our first child any day now. I always wanted a loving and children when I was a teen and if I had died I wouldn’t have had the opportunity. I look forward to raising children and teaching them DBT skills as I believe 100% that DBT skills are for everyone and will prepare my children for struggles I was not prepared for. This is going to be the most amazing adventure!
Do I still have thoughts of dying? Yes. I am an emotionally sensitive person and will at times become very overwhelmed and think that I should not be here. Have these thoughts lessened with time, learning DBT coping skills and effort. A big YES! Living is the only option for me. It is the only option I want.
I encourage each of you to take some time every day, every few days or whatever works for you and think about the amazing experiences you have been able to have because you are here! It doesn’t need to be anything big, it just needs to be meaningful for you 🙂
For those who are struggling and would like support or would just like to be a part of a great peer community please consider joining Dialectical Living’s Public Facebook page or the Toronto Borderliner’s Secret Facebook Group. To be added to Toronto Borderliners please email me at kristen@dialecticalliving.ca and include the email associated with your Facebook account.
If you are interested in individual DBT sessions or our DBT Skills groups we would love to hear from you! Please click on the the above hyperlinks to learn more about each service or email info@dialecticalliving.ca.
